I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
