I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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