we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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