yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
