..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
