i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
