Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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