The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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