I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
