the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
it's great music for shaving your balls
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
