Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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