I cockslap morals
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
