Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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