i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
