And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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