I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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