Your face is a jimmy john
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
you had me at cake vodka
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
