Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
