So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
