you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
