check it out our google latitudes are spooning
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
