i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
