If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I smell like Dick and happiness
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
