Only a mothe r could love this liver
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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