Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
