i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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