get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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