But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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