so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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