I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
