If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
