Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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