I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I think your dad took our porno
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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