I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
