We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize