Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
