I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Sext me about skeletons
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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