I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
