Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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