It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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