Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
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