UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Dick very happy bro
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
