He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I don't think brook has ever known best
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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