Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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