In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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