Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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