Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
