Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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