Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
