I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
