Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Randomize
