Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
