Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
