i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
