how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
