Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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