I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize