yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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