I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize