I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
The uberlube is also flammable
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
