when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Randomize
