this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize