wakey wakey hands off snakey
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
