plz talk dirty to me
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
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