There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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