My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
