Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
