Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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