So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
