walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
