I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
