yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
