Screwed.edu
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
