just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
