So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
