I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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