It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I don't deserve a penis
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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